Texas Church Shooting Take-Away

Sadly, as 2019 was coming to a close, another church shooting occurred in the US. More often than not, these horrifying events are reported from eyewitness accounts, not giving us much of a learning tool. However, because of live-streaming capabilities, the recent Texas church shooting came front and center in the world’s living rooms. The video offers us the opportunity to review what happened and perhaps better develop our situational awareness skills and training practices. 

On Sunday, December 29, 2019, a 43-year-old killer opened fire on the congregation of the West Freeway Church of Christ, in White Settlement, Texas. Within about 6 seconds, the gunman murdered 2 members of the congregation before Jack Wilson, the head of the church’s volunteer security team, fatally shot him. I’ve reviewed the video several times and offer the following take-aways from the Texas church shooting. 

Church Security Team

Although I’m not sure if these people served as official members of the church security team, or just carried concealed, this is what I saw in the video:

• The first victim Texas church shooting carried his firearm in the small of his back. He stood up and gave a verbal command while attempting to get to his handgun. He never came to full draw before being shot himself. 
• The second victim appears to have been shot because of his close proximity to the killer. He seemed caught completely off-guard, not realizing what was happening. I don’t think he was part of the church security team.

• As Jack Wilson drew his pistol, the gunman’s attention was toward the front of the church. Jack made a head shot at a distance, fatally shooting him. 
• At least 5 other members of the congregation moved toward the front of the church with guns out. One person had the presence of mind to go to a low ready position as a girl came running toward him. Thus not pointing the muzzle of his gun at her. 

Take-Aways

Consider the following tips for your training:

• Are you able to remove your pistol from your carry location with nonthreatening, stealth movements? 
• Do you practice drawing and shooting your firearm from positions other than standing?
• When target shooting, do you practice long distance accuracy shots on small targets?

The Congregation’s Situational Awareness 

The video clip I viewed of the Texas church shooting is only 25 seconds long. Within that time, there’s a lot of movement going on during the 6 seconds of gunfire and afterward. The following information is what I gathered as a big picture and some smaller details. 

• At the first shot, most of the congregation turned their heads toward the sound. 
• During the second shot, they began ducking down in the pews. 
• After the third shot, 3 women, farthest from the gunfire ran out. 
• Meanwhile, a fourth woman, who was near the victims, frantically screamed and climbed over pews to get away. 
• One man ran toward the victims, giving commands to others as they approached. 

Take-Aways

Consider the following for yourself, your church and when helping your children develop their situational awareness skills:

• When you hear the sound of gunfire, how should you react if you’re close to it? What if you are farther away?
• Does your church have a protocol for attending to the injured? Is the necessary first aid equipment available? Are people trained?
• What happens when it’s over? Who greets the police?

Although I read a lot about active killer situations, I’m no expert. Anyone can be an armchair quarterback and yes, hindsight is 20/20. However, using the horrific event of the Texas church shooting as a learning tool may save lives in the future. 

This article first appeared in Women’s Outdoor News.

Read the previous three parts of my situational awareness series here:

Situational Awareness Skills: Tips to Help You Stay Frosty 

Situational Awareness Skills: Don’t Become a Victim

Situational Awareness Skills: Teaching Kids Observation Skills

Awareness: Teaching Kids Observation Skills

Previously I wrote Situational Awareness Skills: Tips to Help You Stay Frosty  and  Situational Awareness Skills: Don’t Become a Victim. For part 3 of this series, I’ve included ways to teach your kids observation skills. 

Board Games

Does your family enjoys playing games together? If so,  the following list of board games may help your kids develop their observation skills, while having fun.

SET: The Family Game of Visual Perception by SET Enterprises. This 5-star rated game on Amazon encourages kids (and adults) to practice critical thinking, visual perception, spacial relationships, logical reasoning and math skills. Players try to build sets of 3 cards that match 3 of 4 characteristics. You can also play it online, in your own time here

Clue by Hasbro Gaming. In this detective game, players try to solve a murder by figuring out the murderer, weapon and location. Playing the game helps develop critical and deductive reasoning. 

Guess Who? by Hasbro Gaming. Observing details is the main gist of this game. Players have to carefully inspect the faces on the board and then guess the other person’s mystery character by asking questions. 

Memory (whether an official game or just using playing cards) is played by laying cards facedown and trying to find matches by turning 2 over at a time. 

Awareness Games

These games take place when were out-and-about, especially when traveling. My boys are 23- and 25-years-old, and we still partake in them from time-to-time. 

• Soon after being seated on an airplane, I ask my boys to close their eyes. I then ask them to tell me where the nearest exit is, and how many other exits there are. 
• Part way through dinner at a restaurant we’ve never visited, I ask them to look down at the table. Then I ask where the nearest exit is – besides the one we came in through. I also ask them to describe some of the people sitting around us. 
• If we’re at home, I’ve often asked them to think back to places we regularly visit, like the grocery, coffee shop or box store. I have them describe where the exits are located.

What If? Games

When playing “What If?” games, it’s important to take into consideration a child’s age and experiences. Here are a few general questions to ask:

• What if you can’t find Mommy at a store? 
• What if  you’re staying at Grandma’s house and she gets sick?
• What if you’re not with your class at school and the lock-down alarm goes off?
• What if someone came through that door with a gun?
• What if we had to evacuate this plane?
• What if we were walking through the store as a family and some people confronted Dad?

As a parent, you know how much your kids can handle with any of the above suggestions. Always pay attention to their reactions and stop if they become upset. However, remember you won’t always be with them 24/7, so it’s important to help them develop their situational awareness and observation skills. 

This article first appeared in Women’s Outdoor News.

Situational Awareness Skills: Tips to Stay Frosty

Previously I wrote, Situational Awareness Skills: Lessen Your Chance of Being a Victim. For part 2 in this series, I’ve included different ways to “stay frosty” – which, in other terms, means watch your back, stay alert and/or be careful.

Reading List 

They say, “The body won’t go where the mind’s never been.” The following list of books offers a great start to anyone interested in opening their minds to the “What ifs?” 

• The Unthinkable: Who Survives The Disaster Strikes – and Why, by Amanda Ripley. Through investigative journalism Ripley traces human response to some of history’s most noteworthy disasters. Then, in order to understand the science behind each event she interviews leading brain scientists, trauma psychologists and disaster experts. Finally she has her brain examined by military researchers while experiencing realistic simulations. 
• The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence,by Gavin de Becker. In his thought provoking book, de Becker explains how to spot subtle signs of danger — before it’s too late. Through real examples, both from an outsider’s perspective or when possible a surviving victim, Gavin inspires us to recognize our gut feelings and act on our intuitions. 
• Left of Bang, by Patrick Van Horne and Jason A. Riley. Getting “left of bang” refers to making better observations and decisions before shots are fired. Through their book, Van Horne and Riley explain how to systematically asses your environment and head off situations before they become problems. 

Exude Confidence and Awareness 

In the previous column, I offered this tip: “Appear confident and aware of your surroundings.” Since this might seem vague to some, the following list suggests ways to accomplish this task:

• Avoid wearing earbuds when out in public. If you need to, consider lowering the volume or putting only one side in so you can still hear what’s going on around you. 
• Make eye contact with people you pass. Maybe even give them a smile.
• Keep your head up and your eyes on your surroundings. Don’t get sucked into the emails or texts on your phone. Pay attention to what’s going on around you. 
• Be aware of what’s happening beside you and behind you, too (especially in parking lots).

Make it a Game

This may sound a little crazy, but when I’m out-and-about, I often play the following games:

• Run scenarios in my head: “If a threat came through that door, how would I escape?”
• Practice looking in reflective surfaces to see what I can see. 
• While at home, try to recall all the exits of places I often visit, such as a hair or nail salon, grocery store, etc. 

Remember, extreme violence can happen anytime, anywhere. It is up to you to develop the mindset to do what is necessary to protect yourself and your loved ones. Keep in mind, the body won’t go where the mind has never been. Do your research and study past scenarios, so when the time comes you might recall a situation you read about and know how to react. Don’t be the person that says, “I never expected that to happen!”

Read the next part in this series here.

This article originally appeared in Women’s Outdoor News.

Reading List: Gut Instinct and Survival

This list contains books I’ve read that opened my mind to what may happen when the bad guy shows up, as well as how I might respond for my own survival. I’ve also learned while reading them that yes … I have permission to trust my gut instinct.

Gut Instinct and Survival Book List

They say, “The body won’t go where the mind’s never been.” The following list of books offers a great start to anyone interested in opening their minds to the “What ifs?” 

The Unthinkable: Who Survives The Disaster Strikes – and Why, by Amanda Ripley. Through investigative journalism Ripley traces human response to some of history’s most noteworthy disasters. Then, in order to understand the science behind each event she interviews leading brain scientists, trauma psychologists and disaster experts. Finally she has her brain examined by military researchers while experiencing realistic simulations. 

The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, by Gavin de Becker. In his thought provoking book, de Becker explains how to spot subtle signs of danger — before it’s too late. Through real examples, both from an outsider’s perspective or when possible a surviving victim, Gavin inspires us to recognize our gut feelings and act on our intuitions. 

Left of Bang, by Patrick Van Horne and Jason A. Riley. Getting “left of bang” refers to making better observations and decisions before shots are fired. Through their book, Van Horne and Riley explain how to systematically asses your environment and head off situations before they become problems. 

Citizen’s Guide to Armed Defense, by Kevin Davis. Numerous training tactics and techniques are intermingled with thought provoking case studies.

Surviving a Mass Killer Rampage, Chris Bird. Major mass killing incidents are described in this book and what we can learn from them. It includes advice for both the armed and unarmed citizen to increase his or her chances of survival.

A Time to Kill, Greg Hopkins. In this book, Greg Hopkins offers moral and ethical guidance on the subject of self defense. It includes citations of law and various legal principles.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions to add to my list.

Situational Awareness Skills: Don’t Become a Victim

A few years ago, I spent a few days on vacation with a friend from college. We explored the town during the day, ate amazing meals and enjoyed walking tours in the evening. I learned a lot on that trip. Not only did I learn the history of the town, I also learned that my college friend completely lacks situational awareness. Applying Jeff Cooper’s levels in the Awareness Color Code Chart, she operated on the level “white” … the entire time. 

Awareness Color Code Chart

White— A state of complete unawareness and unpreparedness. In this state, you are oblivious to things going on around you and are exceedingly vulnerable to attack.

Yellow— A state of relaxed alert. There is no specific, obvious threat present, but you are aware that danger is always a possibility. You are aware of people around you as well as the environment in general.

Orange— A heightened state of awareness, in which you observe or are aware of a specific threat. In this condition, you are beginning to formulate possible responses to deal with the danger. 

Red— The stage associated with action. This is when things have escalated to the point where you are either engaging a threat or are in retreat.

Since I couldn’t carry a firearm during this trip, all I had on me was a pocket knife and a will to survive. (I always like to add that part.) I pride myself in my situational awareness skills and I assumed other people employed similar prowess when out and about, especially when visiting a different city. 

Aside from when I was sleeping, I spent most of the time in condition yellow and at least a bit in orange. An example of condition yellow happened while riding the elevator to and from our room. I always look to see who’s already on it before I enter and make eye contact with people as they step in. I also make sure to notice if they have anything in their hands. My condition-white friend thought it was odd that I paid such close attention to who rode with us. Note: Eyes should not be glued on the floor numbers as they flick by.

At least 2 incidents raised my condition to orange. The first time happened during the daytime when we stood outside a local drugstore near a bus stop. Quite a few people congregated near the entrance to the store. As we walked past the group, I made eye contact, smiled and casually held onto my purse that I wore slung cross body. Not that big of a deal, but I was aware of everyone around me. My friend, on the other hand, walked in and out as if she had blinders on, something many people do. 

The second time happened late in the evening after a walking tour. As we sat outside eating ice cream cones on a rather chilly evening, I noticed a man walking around, wearing no jacket and with his shirt unbuttoned. I watched him approach numerous people asking for money and then disappear down a dark alley next to us. As we began walking back to our hotel, I told her we needed to cross the street and walk on the other side. When she questioned me as to why the change of course, I mentioned seeing that man and explained everything I saw. She admitted to never even seeing him, let alone consider walking on the other side of the street to avoid a dark area. 

I know these incidents don’t seem like a big deal. And some people (such as my friend) may even think I’m a little paranoid. But, I believe developing good situational awareness skills is a start to keeping safe – and not only me, but also, my family and friends.

Situational awareness skills tips

1. Appear confident and aware of your surroundings. 

Even if you’re scared and not sure where you are, don’t let potential attackers know. Walk with an air of confidence, good posture and make eye contact. You will appear more confident and less likely a potential victim. 

2. See the big picture. 

When we’re first learning to drive, we are taught in drivers education classes not to just focus on the road right in front of us. Instead, we have to get the big picture, use our peripheral vision and see everything that is going on. If not, we may miss that car backing out of a driveway or a child running into the street. It’s important to be aware of everything going on around us. The same should be practiced when out-and-about on foot. Whether walking at a mall or down a city street. We shouldn’t just focus on what’s right in front of us, we need to see the big picture. A good plan to get the big picture quickly is to slow down or stop after you’ve entered a new building, and assess the situation before proceeding. Is everything copacetic? Nothing out of place? 

3. Have an exit plan.

No matter where you are, in a movie theater, restaurant, hotel room, etc., locate the nearest exit. Having a plan on how to get out of an area before anything happens puts you ahead of the game. Instead of saying to yourself, “If this happens to me …,” change the verbiage to, “When this happens to me …”

4. Trust your instincts. 

If something just doesn’t feel right, pay attention and act on it. Whether we call it our sixth sense, intuition or something else, we all seem to have it in one form or another. We need to trust it and get away from that person or place that makes us feel uncomfortable. 

Bad things can and do happen to anyone, anywhere. Improving your situational awareness skills will help you become more confident and afford you less of a chance of becoming a victim.

Read the next part to this series here.

This article first appeared at Women’s Outdoor News.

Domestic Abuse: Strategies for Reclaiming Your Life

In this fourth and final part of my domestic abuse series, I offer suggestions for reclaiming your life. After years of getting emotionally, verbally or even physically beat down, a time will come when you are ready to take care of yourself. This is one of the first steps in taking control of your life. 

The website verywellmind.com highlights five different domains to ensure you are carrying for your mind, body and spirit. These types of self-care include physical, social, mental, spiritual and emotional.

Strategies for Reclaiming Your Life

1. Physical Self-Care — Exercise, sleep and the proper diet are all important factors when it comes to physical self-care. 

2. Social Self-Care — Visit or talk on the phone with friends and family. Your social life may have suffered due to the constraints of your relationship with your abusive partner. Now is the time to rebuild these friendships. You may find it surprising how many people want to spend time with you, now that you are out of that relationship. 

3. Mental Self-Care — Reading, watching movies and taking classes are just some of the activities that help keep your mind sharp. You may revisit a hobby you used to enjoy, or find something new. Then, allot time each day for this activity. 

4. Spiritual Self-Care — Whether it’s a traditional religious service, praying, meditation or just time spent in solitude reflecting, spiritual self-care is an important part of the process. Although it’s not for everyone, you may find it fulfilling and worth a try. 

5. Emotional Self-Care — Different emotions may bubble up within you at times when you are not expecting them. Knowing how to acknowledge and express them is an important strategy to learn. 

Coping Skills

Finding healthy coping skills, that you enjoy, when dealing with uncomfortable emotions gives you an outlet for these stressors. Consider ways to acknowledge and express your feelings on a regular basis. Some suggestions include:

• Journaling — Putting your internal monologue down in words helps your brain process the trauma you have experienced. The simple act of writing these thoughts can help you better cope with the symptoms of PTSD.
• Yoga — The practice of yoga appeared in many of the sources I used for my research. I personally recommend it to strengthen your mind, body and spirit. Even though I just began practicing yoga in October of 2020, it has already changed my life tremendously. The practice has taught me how to meditate and breathe to reduce stress, while at the same time has strengthened my body. I strongly encourage everyone to attend some classes and be open to the practice. 
• Art — Painting, drawing, collage or even just scribbling on paper are all ways to express yourself and your emotions. Find a medium you’re comfortable using and just go for it. You don’t have to show it to anyone. 

Two Activities for Healing

Purchase two large canvas boards. On the first one, create a dream collage. Cut out sayings, words and pictures from magazines. Then, using a glue stick, decorate the board with all the pieces. Display the finished product in a place you see daily, to remind yourself of the great things to come. 

On the second board, write down your accomplishments using various color Sharpies. These can be as simple as, I did a headstand in yoga, to I cleaned the gutters. End everyday with this activity. Don’t worry if there is a day when you have nothing to write, you will have other days where you record more than one accomplishment. 

Self-care is taking the time to care for yourself in the ways that work best for you.

Reclaiming Your Life Online Resources

• 17 Strategies for Coping with Stress in 30 Minutes of Less on healthline.com
• Self-care suggestions at loveisrespect.org
• Survivors share how they rebuilt their self-esteem after abuse here. 
• The Love and Abuse Podcast

Final Thoughts

It’s important to find ways that best help you reclaim your life. There’s no one-size-fits-all plan out there. Don’t get discouraged if you try something and find it just doesn’t serve you, move on. Nothing is ever wasted when it comes to your self-care and well-being. Take your time trying to heal. More than likely, it took many years for your abusive partner to break you down to the state you are currently in, so allow time to build yourself back up. I promise you will eventually get there. 

You have permission to take care of yourself. Make it a priority. 

This article firs appeared at Women’s Outdoor News.

Read other posts in the domestic abuse series:

Understanding and Identifying Domestic Abuse

Mental and Emotional Abuse: It’s Not Always Physical 

Making a Safety Plan

Domestic Abuse: Making a Safety Plan

If you (or someone you know) are living in an abusive relationship, it may be difficult to seek help. Often, abusers have problems with boundaries and closely monitor a victim’s phone and computer. In this third part of my domestic abuse series, I offer resources and tips for finding help and making a safety plan.

Finding Help

Researching information about domestic abuse on a personal computer may put a victim in more danger if the abuser finds out. In order to protect yourself, consider the following reminders from the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

• Computer and cell phone use can be monitored without you knowing it.
• History can never be completely erased from a computer or device, even if you browse in “private” or “incognito” mode.
• Email can be intercepted like physical mail.
• Global Positioning System (GPS) trackers can be placed in a car or on items like a purse or cell phone.
• Some court systems publish their records online, which could contain compromising personal information like names or addresses.

Computer Use

When using a computer to research domestic abuse, keep in mind information is stored from all websites you visit. Avoid using a computer shared with the abuser. Consider going to a library or an Internet cafe, using a computer at work or even going to a friend’s or family member’s home to borrow their devices. If you must use a computer at home, clear all browser history after visiting websites that may contain content you don’t want seen. Find more information on digital safety, at the National Domestic Violence Hotline.  

Making a Safety Plan

A safety plan is a set of actions that may help lower your risk of being hurt by your partner. It includes information specific to your lifestyle that will increase your safety at school, home and other places that you visit on a daily basis. The National Domestic Violence Hotline website has an interactive safety planning tool to create a safety plan tailored to your situation. Once completed, you can print the plan, have it sent to an email with a link (that will be active for 24 hours) or just read it online. Also, many hotel clerks are trained to recognize a person in distress. If you find yourself in a situation where you need to seek shelter at a hotel, they may offer to let you in a room immediately upon your arrival. 

Consider what items you may need when you leave. Keep this bag in a place where your abuser cannot find it, such as a friend’s or neighbor’s house. Also, hide an extra set of car keys somewhere that you can easily access. Here is a list from DomesticShelters.org to consider depending on your situation:

• A spare set of car keys, your driver’s license and/or passport(s)
• Credit cards and some cash—enough for transportation, food and lodging for a few days. Your abuser may cancel your credit cards or try to track you through your credit card use.
• Work permit, green card or immigration papers (if applicable)
• Government benefits card (if you have one)
• Phone numbers for friends, relatives, doctors, schools, taxi services and your local domestic violence organization (taking your cell phone will allow your abuser to track you)
• A few changes of clothing for yourself and your children
• Infant formula and diapers 
• Comfort items to help your children feel safe
• Pet food, leashes and vet records for any animals you’re taking with you
• Any medication or vitamins you typically take
• Important documents, or copies of them, for both you and your children including birth certificates, social security cards, school records, immunizations, pay stubs, bank account information, marriage license, will, mortage papers, lease agreement, insurance information
• Order of protection (if you are able to secure one ahead of time)
• Any evidence you’ve collected to show you’ve been abused (photos of injuries, police records, medical records, a journal or log)
• A few personal items you want to keep (photo albums, jewelry, etc.)

Support Network

Although it may be difficult to tell someone what you are going through, speaking up can help. Talk to a trusted friend, family member or even a counselor about what you are experiencing. If possible, spend time with people who support you and may help you put things into perspective. 

Other Resources

National Domestic Violence Hotline — This 24/7 hotline provides confidential assistance to anyone experiencing domestic violence or questioning whether or not they are in an abusive relationship. Online chat with trained advocates is also available through the website.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “LOVEIS” to 22522

DomesticShelters.org — An all-inclusive website with a blog, videos, resources and more. I highly recommend this site.

Office on Women’s Health —  Offers resource and programs in each state for women who experienced abuse. It also has a fact sheet with bulleted information including safety.

WomensLaw.org — Serves all survivors, regardless of gender. An email hotline provides legal information to anyone who reaches out with legal questions or concerns regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, or any other topic covered on WomensLaw.org.

This post first appeared at Women’s Outdoor News.

Read other posts in the domestic abuse series:

Understanding and Identifying Domestic Abuse

Mental and Emotional Abuse: It’s Not Always Physical 

Recognizing Mental and Emotional Abuse

Part two of my domestic abuse series, covers types of abuse that many don’t recognize, even those in the abusive situation. Used interchangeably, mental and emotional abuse are both ways for someone to control another person. The abuse comes from spoken offenses (verbal abuse) such as threats, criticism and bullying. An abuser uses manipulation, shaming and intimidation to undermine a person’s mental health, chip away at her self-esteem and dominate his victim. 

Recognizing Mental and Emotional Abuse

As I mentioned in this first part of this series, sometimes those in abusive relationships don’t realize what they experience on a daily basis isn’t the norm. I created the following list after researching a few different websites about mental and emotional abuse. Consider the following questions and decide for yourself if any sound familiar.

Does this person:

• Expect you to drop everything and meet his needs?
• Demand you spend all of your time together?
• Criticize you for not completing tasks according to his standards.
• Expect you to share all his opinions?
• Refuse to accept your feelings by trying to define how you should feel?
• Accuse you of being “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “crazy?”
• Start arguments for the sake of arguing?
• Make confusing and contradictory statements?
• Have drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts?
• Behave so erratically and unpredictably that you feel like you are “walking on eggshells?”
• Pick fights or make fun of your shortcomings in public?
• Treat you like you are inferior?
• Make jokes that make you look foolish? 
• Tell you that your opinions, ideas, values, and thoughts are stupid, illogical, or “don’t make sense?”
• Try to control who you spend time with?
• Monitor your text messages, mail or email?
• Accuse you of cheating and being jealous of outside relationships?
• Demand to know where you are at all times?
• Treat you like his possession or property?
• Belittle your accomplishments or even claim responsibly for your success?
• Do things that he knows pushes your buttons every chance he gets? 
• Tell you that you’re lucky to be with him or that you’ll never find someone better?

Those who experience physical abuse were almost always abused mentally and emotionally first.

Physical Symptoms

Now that you’ve read some of the things the abuser may do, consider the following physical symptoms a victim may experience that I found at healthline.com. These symptoms often go unexplained, even after numerous medical exams and tests. 

You may notice: 

• Appetite changes
• Upset stomach or nausea
• Stomach pain and other gastrointestinal distress
• Muscle aches and pains
• Insomnia
• Fatigue 

Victims of Mental and Emotional Abuse

As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, many victims of mental and emotional abuse don’t realize they are being abused because usually it’s not physical. These invisible wounds may include low self-esteem, self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness. Often, victims develop coping mechanisms to deal with the abuse. This may develop into devastating long term effects which may include depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and dependency on alcohol, drugs or even food. However, mental and emotional abuse doesn’t have to leave a lasting impact. Victims can learn to cope and overcome the abuse they experienced through intervention and counseling.

You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

Recognizing and accepting that you (or someone you know) is in an abusive relationship is just the beginning of what could become a very long journey. However, it is a start.

Read part one of my series on domestic abuse here.

This article first appear in Women’s Outdoor News.

Understanding and Identifying Domestic Abuse 

Domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence, aka IPV) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner. According to the National Commission on COVID-19 and Criminal Justice, domestic violence incidents in the U.S. increased by 8.1% following the imposition of lockdown orders during the 2020 pandemic. Often physical abuse, with outward signs, is thought of as the only type of domestic abuse. There are, however, many other types of abuse. Although lists vary, following are the common types I found. 

Types of Domestic Violence

• Physical
• Emotional and Verbal
• Sexual
• Financial/Economic
• Stalking/Harassing

Remember: no one deserves to experience abuse of any kind – for any reason.

Sometimes, those in abusive relationships don’t realize what they experience on a daily basis isn’t the norm. But for others on the outside looking in, the signs are obvious. Whether researching for yourself, or a friend, recognizing the signs of abusive behavior is a good place to begin. I found the following signs of abusive behavior also on the National Domestic Violence Hotline website.

Common Signs of Abusive Behavior

• Telling you that you never do anything right.
• Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them.
• Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with friends, family members, or peers.
• Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people.
• Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school.
• Controlling finances in the household without discussion, including taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses.
• Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with.
• Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol.
• Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.
• Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets.
• Intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace.
• Destroying your belongings or your home.

If you don’t feel safe, respected and cared for, then something isn’t right.

Recognizing Domestic Abuse

If you or the person you want to help are questioning whether you’re in an abusive situation, consider the following questions. Be thoughtful about each one and decide if any sounds familiar. 

Does this person:

• Make you feel uncomfortable or afraid?
• Put you down, humiliate you or makes you feel worthless?
• Constantly check up on what you are doing, where you are going or who you are with?
• Try to stop you from seeing your own friends or family?
• Constantly accuse you of flirting with others or having an affair?
• Tell you how the household finances should be spent or stops you from having money for yourself?
• Make you feel afraid to disagree or say, “No.?” 
• Scare or hurt you through violent acts – such as  hitting, choking, smashing things or driving dangerously to frighten you?
• Pressure or force you to do sexual things that you don’t want to do?
• Threaten to hurt you or to kill himself, if you say you want to end the relationship?
• Interfere with your online access or access to the phone?
• Hurt (either mentally or physically) your children or perform violent actions in front of your children?

Do you feel:

• Fearful
• Sick
• Unable to Concentrate
• Stressed
• Unable to Sleep
• Numb
• Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
• Anxious

What Now?

Recognizing and accepting that you (or someone you know) is in an abusive relationship is just the beginning of what could become a very long journey. However, it is a start. Please consider following this series and sharing with others who may be in a similar situation. 

Next I delve into mental and verbal abuse, types of domestic violence not always recognized. 

This article first appeared at Women’s Outdoor News.

My Custom Fit Shotgun

I wrote an article titled “How to Fit a Shotgun with CZ-USA and Dave Miller.” I’ll admit, in the beginning I wasn’t convinced a custom fit shotgun would help my clay target shooting game (which is really bad.) As a pistol and rifle shooter, I often find myself aiming while shooting clays … a huge no-no in the shotgun world.

Creation of a Custom Fit Shotgun

Once Dave Miller had the measurements for my custom shotguns, he wrote up a work order and sent it off to be built at the Huğlu Cooperative in Huğlu Turkey. CZ-USA and Huğlu Firearms Cooperative have had 17-year partnership in the building of shotguns.

The factory chose beautiful pieces of Turkish Walnut for the creation of the stocks for my shotguns. They almost look like a matched set.

A craftsman engraves the fine scroll work on receiver by hand, a detailed work of art. 

When my shotguns arrived, Dave and I met up at the Polecat Creek Shotgun Park in Harrisonville, Missouri. Here, he fine-tuned the shotgun (which he expected to do) by adjusting the comb. He moved it about a millimeter back toward my face. This adjustment lined my eyes up with the barrel, which is important in shotgun shooting. Think about your eye as the rear sight of the shotgun.

Since my shotgun is custom made, it has quite a cast-off at the toe and heel. This allows me to mount the shotgun in my shoulder pocket and keep the barrels lined up for the shot. The amount of cast-off needed for my shotgun makes it almost look like a hockey stick.

As mentioned above, a custom shotgun properly fit keeps the top and bottom barrels lined up while shooting. This is important because when the barrels are not lined up, the shot stream will be off, more than likely causing a missed shot. 

Shooting My CZ-USA Custom Shotguns

At first, I wasn’t quite sold on the benefits of shooting a custom shotgun … well, until now. We’ve often said in our firearms training classes, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” In the past I had no idea how much I struggled to get my pupil lined up with the shotgun barrel. Shooting wasn’t easy and it certainly wasn’t pleasant. 

Now that I have a shotgun fit for me, I’m able to anchor my cheek against the comb in the same spot every time, providing a prefect pupil alignment with the center of the shotgun’s rib. I’m able to now trust what I see and get the shots. 

Shotgun Care

Now that I have these beautiful custom shotguns, I need to make sure I take care of them properly. Dave offered these suggestions:

The bearing surface – from the forend to receiver, trunnion pin and ejector cam – should be greased every other time it’s shot. And yes, use a lot of grease; you should be able to see it. 

The action of the shotgun is like an engine; it needs oil. Also, the top lever latch and lever axle can use a shot or 2 of oil, especially after rain or sweat is introduced. 

In my opinion, a custom shotgun makes all the difference in the world when shooting clays or birds. Thanks to Dave Miller, I’m thrilled to finally be able to easily see what I need to see and hit the clays I want to. My new CZ-USA Custom Supreme Field Shotguns have truly upped my game. I cannot wait to spend more time shooting clays or in the field. 

Find more about the CZ-USA Supreme Field Shotgun here.

This article originally appeared at Women’s Outdoor News.